What is a toilet? [Part One in SERIES: From Flusher to Toilet Connoisseur]
A series on the fundamentals of the physics and theory of Toilets to convert the modern layman into Toilet Connoisseur
Dear Flusher,
Just as a bell must have different parts,
So must a toilet:
The definition of a toilet according to the Oxford English Dictionary:
toilet | ˈtɔɪlɪt |
a fixed receptacle into which a person may urinate or defecate, typically consisting of a large bowl connected to a system for flushing away the waste into a sewer or septic tank
In other words: Toilets are entropy-reversing pieces of technology!
If this isn’t already obvious to you, keep reading.
It is common knowledge that human beings are often fierce, violent, and uncontrolled animals. This is a result of their configuration of DNA and its decay over time. Because human beings are also conscious and often disturbed by their own terrible nature, they grow fond over abstract concepts (like “progress”), which engender attractive neurochemical-hormonal states.
Humans will often hunger for these attractive states so much that they coordinate en masse to innovate in technology, finance, and health in order to generate more of those states.
Thankfully, humanity’s desire for happier lives led to the creation of the Toilet.
A most wonderful aspect of the Toilet is that it instantly tells the story of humanity by its very form and function.
And that story is this:
Humans are savage sentients who eject waste of life forms from which they have sapped all energy by devouring. They comfortably eject this waste into a bowl. And then,
Humans flush, flush, flush AWAY!
It is a perfect system that transports filth and disease out of sight and out of mind! Humans have designed a most beautiful and well-formed construction—the Toilet—to exile the harsh realities of this world from their perception.
Thusly is it that order is maintained in humanoid society.
So long as toilets exist, the tendency of chaos shall be reversed into order.
Long Live Toilets!
Yours,
Toiletta;